I see you

I see you. I see you sat on your bedroom floor. You are hurt and you are angry. You have the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are scared. Scared of what tomorrow holds. I see your scars, both physical and emotional. I see the pain in your eyes as you force a smile. I see you.

You see me. Standing in my too tight uniform awkwardly wondering what I should be doing on my first day of placement. You see me hanging around the office scared to ask for instructions. You take my hand and you tell me your story. One you have probably had to tell a million and one times before to hundreds of professionals but you want me to understand so you tell it anyway. You teach me how to listen. You see me.

I see you cry out for it all to stop, I see you scream and break down because it has all got too much. I see you shed quiet tears hoping nobody notices. I see you turn away help because too many people have let you down before. I see you scared. Scared to trust others, scared to become too close to people in case you get hurt again. I see you.

You see me want to learn, to understand. You urge me to not make the mistakes you did. Your voice breaks as you explain how your family deserted you when you turned to the welcoming escape of illicit substances to gain some relief from the turmoil of a tortured childhood. You make me promise that I will never give up on anyone who needs help. You see me.

I see you. I see you when I want to walk away. I see you after a difficult shift when I just can't do it anymore. I see you when I am on cloud 9. I see you when I don't give up on someone because of that first story you told me. I see you in the stories others tell. I see you in the advice I give and the criticism I receive. I see you when I make mistakes, I see you when I laugh, cry and smile. I see you.

You see me. A first year student adjusting the bright white tunic not knowing where to look or what to do. The eager smile that hides an overwhelming fear of messing up on that first day. You see me transform from a first year to a third year, you see me build confidence and challenge insecurities. You see me fall down 7 times and stand up 8 times. You see my dismay as I fall at the last hurdle, but you see me try again, because that is what I have told you to do so many times. You see me defeated and you see me conquer. You see me thinking of the past and looking forward to the future. You see me step out of that now less white uniform in to the dark blue. You see me.

And I remember you. I remember your face every day. I meet new patients and I remember how you taught me to listen. I remember how you taught me that communication isn't always about talking it is about listening to stories, spending time in silence. It is about sitting with you when you feel vulnerable and alone. I remember how you taught me to accept unconditionally and that everyone has a past, but they also have a future. I remember you.

I want to tell you that I was changed by you. The day you opened up you lit a fire inside me. A passion for a career that was never going to be just a job. You sparked compassion and did more than I could ever thank you for. I don't know what happened to you, whether you are still working on things, whether you ever got back in contact with your family or if you have started a whole new life, but your honesty commenced a whirlwind of emotion that compelled me to make the world a better place. So as I begin my next chapter, I need you to know that I saw you and you saw me, and that day began the rest of my life.