I miss you. I wish those three words could sum up how much, but they don't. No words ever will. No words could describe the hole that has been in my heart since you left this earth.
Sophie, it's been 10 years. 10 years, how crazy is that? At the tender age of 11 I was thrown into the grieving process. We should've spent the past 10 years together. I haven't visited you much, and for that I am sorry. I should be talking to you face to face right now, but instead I am writing, I am writing you a letter to tell you what I should've said.
I wish I had told you this when you were here.
I should've told you that you made me a better person. That your smile was infectious and when your eyes lit up so did mine. I should tell you that you gave me the push to go into nursing and help others. I should've told you that my life is better for knowing you, despite the short time we spent together.
We never got the chance to say goodbye properly and I will always regret that. When they told me you had gone I didn't believe them, you would've laughed at my reaction! They said I could go home, a whole day off school! But that didn't seem right, so I sat in your garden that we sat in so often together and remembered the time that we spent with each other. But although there was nothing official about it, the days that followed were enough to say goodbye. We talked about you as a school, we sang songs, looked at photos, shared memories, we even did our walk to Budleigh and wrote messages on pebbles to you.
Sophie, I have cried. I have cried enough to fill an ocean. But now I smile, I smile remembering the times we ate lunch together, I smile remembering the time we were both the star in the Christmas play. I smile remembering the games we played, the times we shared and the love that you bought to my life. I smile thinking about how you are no longer confined to a wheelchair, you are free to run and skip and play with no pain. I smile remembering the pink smarties we ate at your funeral, I ate so much that I was nearly sick, but pink was your favourite and I still smile when I see anything pink that you would like.
So Sophie I want to say thank you. Thank you for loving me unconditionally, thank you for being my best friend, thank you for listening to me, smiling with me and reminding me to push myself out of my comfort zone. Thank you for making me a better person and thank you for bringing out the best in me. Thank you for watching over me in the difficult times, thank you for being my shining star looking out for me, thank you for sprinkling a little angel dust when I need it most.
Sophie, this was never goodbye. You are alive in our memories and you forever will be. We have parted until we meet again...so see you later, beautiful girl
All my love
Sarah
